Oohh 😦 You know what I hate? I really, really hate having to write a negative blog post. Like REALLY hate it. This past week, I’ve been feeling so awful, but I have tried to put on a positive blog smile. After today’s run though, I can’t anymore, and I’m gonna have to break all my rules and not be upbeat 😦 I know this will all pass, so I just hope all you lovely readers will stick by me and not run off into the sunset with arms round positive-post-bloggers!! :p
So anyway, I had to run 14miles today, which was booked in as an easy run – I did 18miles last week, and have 20 next week. Easy it was not, however! Last night, I was all prepped to do a good run. I even did a little photo tutorial of a breakfast cookie 😀
I started with a banana, a splash of pressed coconut milk and a forkful of cashew butter:
Mashed it up somethin’ silly:
And mashed in 50g oats:
I then gave myself a pat on the back and a thumbs up for creating something that looked so much like a cookie 😀
This morning, I topped it with 3 dates, a yogurt blob, and a mini unpictured handful of Grape Nuts (and 2 tsps wheat germ):
It was delicious!! I then left it a good hour and a bit before setting out on my run. Normally, an hour is perfect digestion time for me – I always feel fine. Today however? No.
I got 1/2 mile down the road before the tears came. I got 1.2miles down the road before stopping, sitting down on the (wet & dirty) pavement, and bawling my eyes out, for a good 10mins+. I must’ve looked a state cos someone even turned their car round to come back and check I was ok! I told them I was fine, but obviously I wasn’t – I felt so sick again. I knew it was eaten-too-soon-then-run sickness, but I felt crap and hadn’t the mental strength to run through it. So, I sat like that for a bit, then *somehow* ran home.
On the way, I’m pretty sure I had an anxiety attack – I was crying, hyperventilating, shaking…I’ve had them before, so I knew what it was 😦 When I got back home, I cried all over my mum for a while – i already felt like I’d failed – walked 1/4 mile with her, and hugged Chika for a bit. All in all, I stayed at home for..40mins or so? Just waiting for my stomach to settle. Then I was off again!
My mum offered to bike with me, but I felt like I needed to do it alone, so I did a 5mile loop solo. My stomach started to feel a bit better…but my legs started to cramp and hurt instead!! I stopped again at 7.4miles, cried some more, and swapped water for Lucozade and had a few bites of a Powerbar (I finished the rest of it, bites at a time, later on). My mum then cycled with me for a mile, before I set off to do another 4 or so alone. When I got back after that, my sister was waiting for my with the bike, so we did the last 3miles together.
It was one tough run. My total time was 14miles in 2hrs8, an average 9.12 min/mile pace. However, I am so incredibly disappointed in myself. I was stopping at least once a mile to stretch (which I stopped the Garmin for), and I also walked about 3mins or so on top of all that <- for eg. on the last mile, my chest tightened up, so I walked for about a minute, but was backtracking my route, so for some reason I stopped the Garmin.
My pace also doesn’t include the times when I stopped to cry, and to switch my water around and stuff. Which basically means, I’m gutted. I’m scared that I can’t seem to run a mile without needing to stop (and I’d say that’s 80% down to lack of mental willpower at the moment). I’m scared that I did 14miles today, over the course of about 3hrs+, yet it was so difficult. I’m scared that I have 20miles to run next weekend. I’m scared I have 26.2miles to run in less than a month. I’m scared my legs hurt, and that I feel sick, and that any mental power I had has gone, and that I haven’t done any hill training, and I haven’t done any speed work. I’m angry with myself for being so weak. I’m just angry and upset in general. All in all, I am far from being a happy camper, and I’m at a total loss as to what to do now.
Do I say to myself next week, walking isn’t allowed, to make myself push through mental barriers? Do I decide to focus on speed or hills next week? I am just so lost and confused, and lonely and scared and angry and upset and disappointed. Sigh.
(Side note: My mum doesn’t read my blog, but I know my sister does, so I’ll just say – THANK YOU SO MUCH for helping!! Hannah and my mum have been absolutely brilliant on my long runs for the past few weeks..I don’t know what I’d do without them!).
ANYWAY. That was a long enough rant (although that is far from the end of the rant this is screaming inside me!!), so I shall move on!
Post-14mile eats – all I was craving was GREEN! First up, I made a Green Monster – 1/2 c. pressed coconut milk, 1 scoop Vega chocolate smoothie mix, 1/2 frozen banana, 1/4 tsp xanthan gum, loads of spinach. (I am sorry for the dark photos…on my camera they look light, on my mac, they look black! How dark do you see the photos!?)
I also had a green banana cereal mush blend thing….
- a large c. of cereal
- 1/2 c. yogurt
- 1 banana
- vanilla essence
- xanthan gum
- topped with Grape Nuts
Kovac thought it looked yummy :p
It sure was!
Totally delicious 🙂 And packed with so many groovy nutrients!!
Over breakfast (well, lunch actually), I watched some World Equestrian Games dressage to music on YouTube (Laura Bechtolsheimer, the triple silver medallist Brit – her kur made me well up! It was that good!!), and then took the dog for a walk, played with Chika, and had a late afternoon snack of cereal, yogurt and a jamblob:
Sehr gut. I also had a pear and a small apple at random times 🙂
As I haven’t had dinner yet, I’ll take a step back in time to yesterday, and the joys it brought with it…..
My mum and I went SHOPPING! I haven’t been shopping in an Ice Age, and for good reason – I have no money. But we still went, cos she needed new clothes and boots for winter, and wanted my opinion 🙂 I’m very very short on food photos for the day though, cos I didn’t bring my camera…but breakfast was a cereal/banana/vanilla/cinnamon/yogurt blend (ie today’s lunch, without the spinach), which I ate in the car cos we left early:
When we arrived (it was 1.5hrs drive), I had a soya cappuccino <- addicted!
We then a few hours shopping and wondering about, which was lovely and relaxing 🙂 AND we picked up super cheap (reduced price) hand luggage bags for the plane to DC! One in pink, one in purple 😀
For lunch, I’d brought my own thing, as a)being vegan and b) needed to have lots of carbs (no lettuce leaf salads for me, thank you very much) make it hard to find good food. In the USA it could be done – but not in my backwards corner of England! So, yeah, I had made yet another blend! 50g oats, blended with a pear, pressed coconut milk and blackberries, with xanthan gum:
I thought it would thicken to…well, I’m not sure, but thick enough to eat with a fork. Apparently not! It was very un-thick :p But was still delicious! I also had some seitan with it (yes, I like seitan plain, as is. It’s yum!).
Mid afternoon, I had another soya cappuccino, and my mum and I shared a tub of raspberries on the way home 🙂
Dinner was a tempeh thing with a cashew-banana-vanilla sauce…to die for!
In fact, it was so good I think I’ll have the same thing tonight. I do need cheering up after all!!
Soooo have a good evening y’all, and if you have any words of wisdom for me….shout em out!
(ps – I’m very sorry if I’ve been slack replying to emails recently – I will speed up soon, I promise!!)
(pps – i did eat more yesterday than the 3 meals mentioned, before anyone gets worried :p)