Gah, what a day. Well, not really – but mentally yes!!
I ate all the stuff I had in my last post, with the addition of some strawberry flavour soya milk before lunch:
Which FYI completely killed my appetite! 9g protein in 250ml…oops!
When I got back from my lectures (GOSH did they drag on today! Luckily, the last 2hrs was developmental psychology, which I enjoy so it wasn’t too bad – especially as our lecturer was encouraging all the blokes in the hall to cheat, for ‘evolutionary reasons’!! It made for comic listening :p), I was a bit peckish, but knew I really really wanted to go for a short run, after being cooped up all day. So I ate a nice big juicy apple:
Then took myself out for 2miles and a bit.
- Lap 1 – 8.25
- Lap 2 – 8.08
- Lap 3 – 1.08 (226m!)
I was origionally going to try and beat my 7.03mile from this morning, but when I got out there, a slow and steady 2miles seemed more appealing, so I just did that. Another day!
Afternoon snack – ryvita minis and a hot chocolate:
Dinner – in the mood for one thing – stuffed pasta! It was asparagus and mozarella stuffed pasta today; I kept trying to get a photo, but the light in the kitchen was soo bad, my camera was having none of it! Stupid thing, as soon as the light is just a LITTLE bit dim, it doesn’t focus…So, just one lonely pic of the final product:
Can you guess the veggies on the side!?
And just now I polished off some 2% greek yogurt, a hot chocolate, and these two squares:
a square of Guylian (nomnom, I LOVVEEE that chocolate), and some Lindt ‘Orange Intense’! Both delicious 🙂 Although again, I want to punch and scream and shout at my camera for taking such TERRIBLE blurry pics!
I tell yous though, today has been such a mentally frustrating day.
[And here comes a big ramble….!! I don’t think it’ll make much sense, I’m just writing as I think. Isn’t that what blogs are for!?]
I seem to have a problem – I’m too competitive! I had a fabulous run this morning and got (for me) a great time/speed. Yet, as soon as it was over, I just wanted to go out again and beat myself, ie get a better time. It’s like, I always always have to be better – I can’t just enjoy my (minor) achievement. I went for a second run today, which technically I didn’t need to do – I wanted to for 2 reasons. 1) I’d sat on my butt in lectures all day and had pent up energy and 2) I wanted to get a faster mile in.
I think generally, this competitiveness is a really good quality, but sometimes it gets out of hand. When I had my ED for example; if I’d eaten, say 1000 calories one day, my next goal would be to see if I could beat myself and eat 900 the day after and so on. Obviously this is not healthy and I’m not advocating it in anyway, I’m just using it to illustrate a point.
Basically, I think I need to learn to not be like this to such an extreme. I’ve noticed I don’t seem to really have days off from exercise, which is silly – but it’s cos I’ve set myself a baseline, and being so competitive, I don’t like to fall below that baseline. 95% of the time, it’s fine cos I love exercise and I enjoy it, but I still get the odd day when I think ‘corrr I could use a day off’, but my competitiveness tells me to keep going.
That’s partly why today was so mentally exhausting – all I could think about was tomorrow – when was I going to fit in my run, when I had lectures at x, y, z times, AND it’s going to snow/rain heavily? Then I realised, why doesn’t tomorrow be my day off?? I haven’t had one in ages and ages, and my body needs days off reguarly.
I am being my own worst enemy in situations like this! Half my head was saying ‘take a day off’, the other half was, well, being competitive and extreme and saying no! On top of all the stress I’m feeling at the moment, it made for a very miserable few hours, cos it was ALL I could think about.
So, I was proactive. I decided this couldn’t go on! I was being stupid -the more I thought it’d be good to take a day off, the more a little devil part of me was saying NO. Sooo, I did two things – I emailed my favourite blogger and asked for her advice – she replied straight away and was so helpful! And I did some self-reflection; I wrote out a list of reasons why I should take days off:
- I could use that time when I would be out running to do something pretty and relaxing – ie paint my nails whilst watching Neighbours! (The former part, a suggestion from the blogger :))
- I could use that time to work..not as appealing, but something useful!
- ALL my favourite bloggers – whom I admire enormously and really look up to – take 2 or 3 days off. These girls are ‘normal’, they don’t have hugely negative ED pasts or anything, and as I have a skewed perception (at times when I’m stressed) of what is normal exercise or eating habits, I look to their posts/lifestyles to see balance.
- I’ll be avoiding injuries – I got injured last year cos I overdid it, and seeing as I have plans for 2 half marathons and a full marathon this year, injuries are NOT on the agenda!
- I’ll be fresher for my long run on Saturday.
- I need to put on some weight.
- Professionals take time off.
- It’ll be my own personal challenge – I can use my competiveness to challenge myself to break an habit!!
SO, this all helped! I’m going to set my alarm tomorrow morning so I have enough time to get ready, havebreakfast, blog etc, but NOT enough time to run. Then I HAVE to take time off from proper running!!
So that’s the end of my rant – sorry if it makes no sense, I was just getting things off my chest!!
I shall update after breakfast tomorrow 🙂